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Would You Hire This Guy?
Feb. 5th, 2009 08:08 amIt seems he has some mad skillz:
1.) I worked for John Elbow. Not THE John Elbow, but one of them.
2.) I am the brilliant mind behind the faux fur vest--for when you feel like being partially a bear.
3.) I no longer require the use of a medicated pillow.
4.) During seven years at a talent agency, I discovered over five teenagers with attitude. Three of them went on to star in talkies.
5.) Drove Miss Daisy for a brief while. Was employed at AAA Taxi Co. & she got in all the sudden and was like "follow that car!"
6.) I offer my services in exchange for pellets, bananas, gold coins and/or rings, or, if provided a company katamari, anything.
7.) That time I made it into the basket without looking? I guided it with my mind.
8.) My business ethics were once hailed as "more controversial than the Hayes/Tilden to-do of '[18]76, and generally less as bad."
9.) During my brief yet highly successful stint as a surrealtor I closed that little chateau of the Pyrenees no one had been able to unload due to inaccessibility.
10.) I am the innovator behind the wildly popular "Pay-Per-Spew Model Tax," which gouged rich, beautiful people for being unattainably thin.
11.) I was the only one on set to warn the director of "Powder" that the slo-mo locker room scene might be perceived as unintentional homoeroticism.
12.) I once translated Ken Follett's entire literary canon into Latin and then back again after realizing it's kind of a dead language.
13.) I am not adverse to pats on the back (platonic or otherwise) for being pretty awesome, however I am not responsible for any wrist stress.
14.) Dr. Milton Thorough might've been the first one to inflate a latex surgical glove like a balloon, but I was the first to commandeer its revolutionary power for the "Udder Condom Dairy Sleeve."
15.) I have cheated Death twelve times now. Dude just does not keep track of his rooks.
1.) I worked for John Elbow. Not THE John Elbow, but one of them.
2.) I am the brilliant mind behind the faux fur vest--for when you feel like being partially a bear.
3.) I no longer require the use of a medicated pillow.
4.) During seven years at a talent agency, I discovered over five teenagers with attitude. Three of them went on to star in talkies.
5.) Drove Miss Daisy for a brief while. Was employed at AAA Taxi Co. & she got in all the sudden and was like "follow that car!"
6.) I offer my services in exchange for pellets, bananas, gold coins and/or rings, or, if provided a company katamari, anything.
7.) That time I made it into the basket without looking? I guided it with my mind.
8.) My business ethics were once hailed as "more controversial than the Hayes/Tilden to-do of '[18]76, and generally less as bad."
9.) During my brief yet highly successful stint as a surrealtor I closed that little chateau of the Pyrenees no one had been able to unload due to inaccessibility.
10.) I am the innovator behind the wildly popular "Pay-Per-Spew Model Tax," which gouged rich, beautiful people for being unattainably thin.
11.) I was the only one on set to warn the director of "Powder" that the slo-mo locker room scene might be perceived as unintentional homoeroticism.
12.) I once translated Ken Follett's entire literary canon into Latin and then back again after realizing it's kind of a dead language.
13.) I am not adverse to pats on the back (platonic or otherwise) for being pretty awesome, however I am not responsible for any wrist stress.
14.) Dr. Milton Thorough might've been the first one to inflate a latex surgical glove like a balloon, but I was the first to commandeer its revolutionary power for the "Udder Condom Dairy Sleeve."
15.) I have cheated Death twelve times now. Dude just does not keep track of his rooks.
