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robbySometimes I just want to sit down and cry hard, how come that I am broke and broken enough yet God keep sending me broken people need to be fixed. I do not want to be strong, I want to be hold like a baby and get some sturdy man to rock me to sleep.
She's lost 25 lbs since coming from Taipei, out of horror from seeing all the "keg bellies' walking around in San Francisco. You can't have blue balls. She won't take off her clothes, even if you ask her for 7 hours. She watches the Simpsons, but even I don't get the reference to beaver rings. I like her, and I'm going to write to her.
She's lost 25 lbs since coming from Taipei, out of horror from seeing all the "keg bellies' walking around in San Francisco. You can't have blue balls. She won't take off her clothes, even if you ask her for 7 hours. She watches the Simpsons, but even I don't get the reference to beaver rings. I like her, and I'm going to write to her.
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Now she's posting morbid things that are
Date: 2004-03-16 11:31 pm (UTC)My God....She keeps re-posting this as it gets deleted
Date: 2004-03-18 07:13 am (UTC)Please help me if you find someone who resembles to his personality and knowledge. I want men like him.
Or if you are a murder case reporter, please contact me. I have somewhat interesting story for you.
My friend died
He vanished.
He simply vanished.
I didn't even get a chance to talk to him and hug him and I won't ever get the chances to see his smiles.
From Marin Independent Journal March 2nd, 2004, I knew that he was drawn.
Now I want to scream. But no matter how hard I scream and how much tear I drop for him, I just can't get him back to me. I can never see his smiles and have his rib-breaking hugs and finger-cracking hand-holding welcome again.
I regret that I deleted his invitation on my answering machine for a boat-ride and some other invitations.
Now I can never hear his voices with happy expectations.
We planned to go to Taiwan to get him a different boat at lower price for he loves a boat much more than a plane nowadays. He wanted me to negotiate the price for him. He said the boat gave him serine feelings. He said staying in his boat just like in a luxurious camping tent.
Part 2
Date: 2004-03-18 07:14 am (UTC)And I hate that.
I hate that he simply terminated our interactions like that. We met at the time when an American American man, a MIT, kept telling me that no decent educated men would like to consider me as their mate, and he told me that I could not kiss him because I used up the quota while he kissed me at any time he wanted. To be honest, all MITs (at least 6) I met gave me negative impressions about them by far.
My deceased friend told me that I am the smartest and the most beautiful woman he ever met in his life while my SF MIT friend was hurting me. Each time my SF MIT hurt me, I had to wait till my friend came back from I don't know where and listened to how much he liked me. But my SF MIT didn't really hurt me. He was not really mean. He told me the truth. It is perfectly true that no decent-educated American men would consider me as a mate. Lots of them disappeared right after I wrote to them I just moved here from Taipei for few months and I couldn't speak or understand English well. No matter where they got their schooling: Stanford, Harvard, MIT, or some other schools I don't remember the names; they simply cared if they could fuck me shortly after we met and left quickly after they figured out they couldn't get a cheap whore. They cared nothing about my life, feelings and thoughts.
On the contrary of them, my deceased friend told me that he would not do anything against my wishes and he would respect my wishes. And he was simply happy each time when he saw me. He would talk to me about his boat engines, his daughter and son, his old plane, the view of Sanford from his house, etc...
no subject
Date: 2004-03-18 07:16 am (UTC)He said if anyone told him there was something he couldn't make it, then he would simply do it, and do it better than anyone can expect.
I adore and admire him very much.
One time he said he thought I had some brains. Then I laughed: 'Why plural? Isn't one person only has one brain? Do you mean I have your brain as well?'
And he laughed, said: 'I don't know why you come to see me. You seem wish something different than other women.' I said:' I want a brain transplant. I want your brain.'
His accountant told me that he had a wife and the accountant claimed herself was his number one, a soul mate.
I don't know exactly what his accountant was talking about. But all I know is he liked me a lot and gave me many sweet moments that no other men can possibly gave me in my life. His father was a rocket scientist, and his mother was a grammar teacher. His father abused him physically so he escaped from home since he was 17. He said one day he was so afraid he was strong enough to do something to his father he would regret, so he left home. He went to UC San Diego for his Mechanical Engineering degree and he also founded a factory to build the Apollo Launch Vidio Observation system in El Cajon, San Diego. He also patented 40 patens in this country. He helped to apply chemicals on the Alaska oil pipes. He also invented a special twisting angle to get the signals out form an optical fiber without breaking the fiber.
no subject
Date: 2004-03-18 07:19 am (UTC)We had known each other over 6 months. He kept asking me why I wanted to see him. He was very insecure about having me around him. I reassured him many times that I liked him a lot for his bravery and great sense of humor and wonderful life adventures. Yet he didn't realize that no body recognizes his value doesn't mean I can't tell his value. He said I was the smartest and most beautiful woman he ever seen in his life while my SF MIT friend kept telling me that no well educated American men would like me. Each time my SF MIT hurt me with his negative comments, I had to wait till my friend came back from his lawsuit cases in LA and went to visit him to listen how much he liked me. He said he would protect me and would not let anyone to hurt me. He was in shaky physical conditions and he was old. And he waved the long stem flash light and told me so with the passion of a young kid's tone. It sounded so laughable, but I was very touched by his naive statement. He surely indulged me. I could literally kick him up in the early morning to ask him to have a stroll by the harbor. One time I got him up at 03:00 and then we took a shower. And then he said he liked to have a shower, but he wished not to have it at 03:00 next time. He also would get up at 06:00 to walk with me to enjoy the sunrise by the waterfront.
He would talk to me at the attitude that he was consulting with me.
One time he asked me: 'I am thinking it all the time why the birds never collide to each other while the planes do.'
I was very astonished: 'What kind of question is that? Certainly they won't collide as the planes. Tell me why people run in a marathon don't collide?'
He said: 'Because people have more control.'
no subject
Date: 2004-03-18 07:21 am (UTC)He also told me that he had his GPS system on his boat, so his insurance fee can go lower, so the investment of having a GPS is worthy.
He also told me how he and his son had the trip together and used the restaurant as a fixed landmark for the auto pilot system.
He told me few times with exciting tones: 'I want to fix the engines, so I can take you for a ride to some rivers up in the North Bay area. There are many nice rivers to go.'
He had a great sense of humor and he could talk to anyone on the streets easily. I considered myself is a virtuoso and I usually don't like my men who are dumb and incapable to conduct gay conversations with people around them. I had a friend, who is a VP in a very big on-line headhunter company. And he told me that I am the friendliest people he ever met in his life. He asked me how I make it so easy for people to talk to me. My friend was a very successful salesman. My SF MIT also asked me the same line few months after we met. But my deceased friend truly impressed me with his sociability to establish friendly interactions with almost every people he met. He was definitely a charming man. The other striking trait about him is he carried the spirits of the disciplines in 'Luen2 U3' == 'Confucius' while he never got a chance to read it. He was excellent at handling crisis. He always faced crisis with very calm and resourceful attitude. I adore and admire him very much for such trait. He was a true fighter, he fought with all obstacles he encountered in his life and never let them beat him down. He seldom complained for he learned that from his mother, for his mother gave him a negative illustrative education, just like me. My father spitted nasty words all the time for he had a hard time in his life and he didn't get a chance for a decent education. So I tried very hard to not become like him. I might not exceed well, at least I tried hard and it seems I did a not bad job. He liked to smile when he faced problems. There is an idiom in Chinese: 'Fu4 Shui3 Nan2 Shou', I think it's equal to 'Don't cry over spilled milk.' And he carried it out extremely well.
no subject
Date: 2004-03-18 07:23 am (UTC)He said that he wanted to design the furniture and buy materials together. He said he wanted me to go to his home to work with his engines together. He said he would like to teach me all the stuff he knew. He said he would like to get a bike for me so we can bike together in Sausalito. He said he would like to show me the ultrasound photo of his grandchild. He said he would bring his chest X-ray and MRI for me to read. He asked me to take lessons with him?
I'm angry that he gave me empty promises. I'm very angry and want to ask him to get back here but he just can never hear it.
I don't want to write now. I just want to scream. I want my friend back. And I want to hug him as long as he wanted. I don't know what to do now and I just want to cry.
My friend's name is Dennis Carl Siden, you may read his obituary on SF chronicle on Mar. 4th 2004.
Please help me if you find someone who resembles to his personality and knowledge. I want men like him.
Also, thanks for telling me your sympathy of my loss. However, I have no interest to hear that from you unless you know him or me. Or if you are a murder case reporter, please contact me. I have somewhat interesting story for you. Other than that, please stop robbing my time on reading your non-productive messages. That is simply another form of Homer Simpson. If you sincerely feel pain for me, please help me to write to CL manager to think of something to save me from insanely removing of my post in the hope of searching my man by Homer Simpsons. I think I can benefit that from your actions more than the few lines about how sympathy you feel for me. Do something practical to solve problems is the only way to make me like you.
And I believe you have the wisdom to tell that who you want to look for. If you find out quickly that I am not the one you look for, learn how to jump to read the next your possible whatever mate. You should thank me for I wrote such detailed information to help you to make a decision if you would like to meet me or not. I am saving your time, you'd better learn that and appreciate me. If you have problems on compulsive reading, then you should find some professional consultants to help you and you should also thank me for I provide you free assessment to help you to screen your problem at early stage. Sending me F letters and removing will not help you much and I sincerely you knew that before you read this. Sorry to be so candid, but this is the way it is. Dennis didn't like me just because I am a young looking Asian. He liked me because I know what I am talking about. He told me once: 'You are too smart for your own good.' Another multimillionaire told me:' I'm busy for this week for a guest from Belgium, please wait for me, don't get married before I come back.' He has a wife and he can't afford a divorce. He belongs to another phenomenal story. I admire him as well. If you don't know Dennis or me, and you don't belong the club of Samantha Jones in 'Sex and City', please don't contact me. I know I won't want you. However, I never turn off anyone who shows positive friendly attitude to me, I'd definitely be happy to be friends with you if you would like to have me as your friend. But please don't joke with me about asking me to consider you as a candidate of my mate. You can't recognize my value doesn't mean I don't know my value.
D'oh! Here come the reply postings.
Date: 2004-03-22 07:26 am (UTC)The Siden Memorial will take place at 10:00AM near Drainage Way and Bosworth St(picnic tables at Glen Park). Yes, we're doing it on MY Day.
If you want to be on a steep decline, like me, you may also arrive via Gold Mine Drive. Your hostess will be ME, the pudgy little Asian chic (Miss Unrealistic March '04)(Miss Spam Jan '04). Women say I'm cute the way they do when they don't want to be percieved as catty. I will be wearing a charm braclet with little gold shovels on it. You must have a key to gain entrance(a Phi Beta Kappa one). doh! nuts will be served. I will be too good for you all but you may meet a stray jogger or a seagull who will be better company and anyway you should feel lucky just to be near me.
As your Doctor I must say...
Date: 2005-10-10 06:55 am (UTC)